Thursday, October 30, 2003
okay so i am lazy and didn't feel like copying and pasting the extremely long journals i've posted on blurty...please, do feel free to read, put comments there or here...i plan on only using *my blog* from now on (ah, the beauty of it all)....

okay, now to actually blog. hehe...such a fun word. blog.

it has been a LONG week. like every other week, but still not quite the same. if that makes any sense? (i seem to ask that a lot). a lot of homework in groups class...another group project *gaaaa* which is a ton of fun because i love my Permanent Work Group.

God's decided to challenge me. which is cool and all, but doesn't that always seem to come at the most inopportune times? i mean, who really schedules in a good challenge now and again? not i. maybe i should. anyhoo! the challenge is within the boundaries of giving ALL of my life over to God...more than i ever have before. which is a good thing and all...but stretching! ouch. sometimes, what i think is best is not what God knows to be best for me. so circumstantial, and so confusing because what else do i have to rely on outside of emotions? i've got this Guide, and it's so ambiguous at times. but i guess that's really all i want to get into about that now...i'm not ready to tell people about that just yet. so hold your pants on... i've decided that all i do is work and sleep and do homework and go to class. there are way too many people that i love and cherish that so very soon i won't be around anymore. only a semester and a half of college left *gasp* and i won't be around them every day. i don't know if i even want to start thinking about the drastic transition that will be. so, monday was strike and i almost died when i looked at the makeup room. i know in the grande cosmic scheme of things the fact that the makeup and dressing rooms were semi-trashed doesn't really matter. but when i have put so much time in to those rooms...i'm gonna at least have heart palpitations when things aren't in place and there's powder/makeup everywhere...

a short group meeting, which was a bit difficult for me. after the emotional weekend i had, i spent most of Sunday and Monday in tears. ah, the dramatics that define least, part of me.

and then the patience required for a conversation...oh yes, kristy. and patience. we all know how tight the two are. okay, not all of us really, or all of you. but ya, kristy and patience aren't so tight all the time. so it's funny, because when i least want to be patient is when i know i most need to be. oh the humor that is the tragedy of life!

i ended up crying some more and falling asleep shortly, barely waking up on time for class. one more deadline after another....always rushing, from one meeting or class or scheduled thing to another. sometimes i want to just say, screw it. i don't care. like last night...

there was this independant film showing, with the director who would do a q and a after. and i am "required" to go for a THEATER organization i am involved in...and in my mind, although i do love film, i am thinking "bite me!" i don't want to go...i don't like the guy who wrote/directed anyway. i had him as prof. previously for dialects. so i have this predisposition to dislike every moment of the film as it is. and i had other "better" things to be doing at the time. so there was all this anger stewing up inside me. because i had to be at this place that wasn't important to me but i am supposed to go because my presence there will change something? what, i am still not quite sure.

but i must keep going and doing and being. like this, machine. and i realize that there are things in life that i will have to do every day that i might not like so much to better the things that i love. but that doesn't mean that i will ever like the things i don't like just because they are an ends to a mean. i will act as God wants me to, in striving for obedience. hmm...obedience. a topic to be discussed at another time.

so i had to work tonight. and i like the people there. i like talking with them. i don't always like that i am usually the one working for them as well as myself so some of the other people can chat. that was okay.

i've mixed feelings about tomorrow. i was supposed to have a stats exam, but it is cancelled along with class. because the prof's grandmother died. so i feel really horrible that he is going through that on top of all the other stuff that is life. but i am so relieved and downright joyful that the exam has been moved. it was just one more thing to me, ya know?

and i have to finish this ireland service learning trip application. my roommate is flipping out about it, claiming that it will take pages to finish but i've started it and it's not taking long at all. gaaaaa....just because she can't be concise! thump...again, off that soap box.

so now to think about....what is the purpose of an onion ring?

what does good and bad really mean?

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

okay so i started a blog. it just seems so much cooler than blurty. and andrew rudd recommended it highly above why not do what people tell me to? anyhow...i shall post at a later time...i must go work on my ethics paper...and i shall also post my blurty journals on here so ya'll can be filled in on the past of the great O. who doesn't want to know really? ya, that's what i thought. okay....later kids!