Tuesday, November 06, 2007

haven't said anything in a while, but it's because i feel inferior with not having anything to say. i don't feel like my words do readers justice for spending their time when browsing the internet and looking/stalking old friends, acquaintances, strangers.

don't get me wrong - i am not thinking i am a horrible person. i just haven't felt too insightful - not with insights i am willing to share in the vast cyberworld just yet. if someone really wants to hear about how me learning to make meals has taught me more about sacrifice, they've probably already chatted on the phone with me about it.

it's a continual bittersweet letting go of things. that's what life really is. when you are younger, you hold so tight to so many things...growing - not just in faith - but growing - you see these things get bigger and better than you had ever dreamed of them being, or they fall away and slip from your grasp, or the reality of what they are becomes clear and the dreams they were become distorted. once again affirming that cs lewis was right...

(long excerpt that still wraps around my mind...)

It may be possible for each of us to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbour. The load, or weight, or burden, of my neighbour's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare.

All day long we are in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities it is with awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal, Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations, these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit -- immortal horrors or ever lasting splendours.

Monday, September 24, 2007

So many months go by between posts...

Lately I've been ruminating on so many different things (did I actually just use the word "ruminating"? Seriously). Anyhow...

For all of the people who ask "So how is married life?" - It's good. It's a fantastic adventure where you learn to play house with your best friend, and learn more about who you are and who you can become - and who you can learn to better love. It's good. You get to watch the weather channel and plan your day together. You get to do a whole lot of things that you don't get to do when you aren't married. It's good.

I've been obsessing a little over the (how was it in Mass Media?) Culture of Cool - the inexplicable desire that America's [pop culture] society publicizes to be necessary. It seems to me that more and more - the people who are denying or antagonizing the idolatry of this kind of "Cool" have created one of their own...

There is this sect of media, of people, that seems to be ever-growing, and it shouts to "be different! be you! be unique!" but in all of this "uniqueness" it seems to become the norm, the expected, the elevated, the sought after dream. So "cool" has come sooner in the pipeline of grassroots marketing. It seems to beg for approval from friends and/or peers, to tangle lies and hopes in one whisper of self-worth. It seems to make you lose yourself. I guess - I don't think the "merchants of cool" are merely merchants anymore - but more like whores to the pimps that are selling their products to be "cool" - to make money, to gain fame. To lose themselves. And I just used pimps and ho's as a metaphor. Oh the day is going just dandy :)

How does hindsight become so clear? And how do you let go of things that hurt you but that you have learned greatly from already? If things or people that happened in your life still hurt, does it mean you have more to learn from the experience itself, or does it mean that you don't know how to let go?

I know Pittsburgh isn't considered a "real" city by many - and we don't live dahntahn (downtown to those of you who don't speak the regional dialect) but we like it here. Does that mean we will stay here forever and ever? Not sure yet. But trying to relish (just like Heinz) the here and now.


Monday, March 19, 2007

less than ten weeks until marital bliss! oh how i love rose colored lenses ;)

just saw switchfoot...the fifth time has been the best yet!

seeing another concert tonight :)

two showers, Easter, and moving are all happening in the course of four weeks. seems like it's all happening so soon! i just want to enjoy it as it happens!!!

not much to report. just keeping the priorities as straight as i can. i keep zigzagging at times, but that's okay. i learn more in the zigzags than i do in the black and white of a straight line.

not much has been missed, apparently. but i hope all is well for whomever stumbles across my words.

currently reading: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

I can't seem to figure out my love language(s). if there are any insights, feel free to let me know!