haven't said anything in a while, but it's because i feel inferior with not having anything to say. i don't feel like my words do readers justice for spending their time when browsing the internet and looking/stalking old friends, acquaintances, strangers.
don't get me wrong - i am not thinking i am a horrible person. i just haven't felt too insightful - not with insights i am willing to share in the vast cyberworld just yet. if someone really wants to hear about how me learning to make meals has taught me more about sacrifice, they've probably already chatted on the phone with me about it.
it's a continual bittersweet letting go of things. that's what life really is. when you are younger, you hold so tight to so many things...growing - not just in faith - but growing - you see these things get bigger and better than you had ever dreamed of them being, or they fall away and slip from your grasp, or the reality of what they are becomes clear and the dreams they were become distorted. once again affirming that cs lewis was right...
(long excerpt that still wraps around my mind...)
It may be possible for each of us to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbour. The load, or weight, or burden, of my neighbour's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare.
All day long we are in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities it is with awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal, Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations, these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit -- immortal horrors or ever lasting splendours.