sooooo at the command and complaint of andrew rudd (who now is mentioned in two of my three blogs...FEEL SPECIAL) i am blogging. it's been a real busy week folks.

i found out today that i have been accepted to be interviewed for the Ireland 2004 service learning trip. and that's really cool, but i am still not quite sure the purpose here. it's more out of fear than anything else i think. i don't want to face the fact that i would love to go, and i am afraid that things won't work out the way i want them to, so i just kind of act like it's okay. i am giving it all over to God every step of the way...as soon as i start thinking about the trip and the application process in an unhealthy manner (eg when there are five of us in the cafeteria who start talking about it) i reroute the conversation and just pray that the Lord's will be done.

and that is such an ambiguous statement sometimes, don't you (yes, you) think? it's like...too many Christians get all happy using the phrase when they are just too afraid to admit they are big weinies and don't really pray for what they truly desire...even when i pray for what i really desire (which i should by the way) God isn't always gonna see things the same way, and His answer could quite possibly be quite different from what i would like. or, they don't know what they want and don't want to put much thought into it so they (being the general stereotype of Christians) just say, "the Lord's will be done" or something of that sort...laziness perhaps?

which leads me to a whole other thought...how is it that I can sit in the front section in chapel and still want to look at the screens when there is a speaker not fifteen feet from me? and i know i'm not alone...this generation raised on television. [sidenote: i believe my parents have done a fantastic job with me thus far and trust they will continue to do so as well]. is that laziness? or just....conditioning. so do i want to be a conditioned lab rat? or should i do this whole "rage against the machine" thing? i don't know....

oh here's a really cool quote. and i think it fits. except i'm not a guy, i'm a chick (in case you were wondering) but it applies no less...

I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you're not sure if you like.

--Trent frong Swingers

i think i like it. it's more true to life, more real than the whole idea that like the infamous seven myths (alluding the mass media and society here) where there's this overarching theme with many that so many people are pulling for you or me....that the main theme is that so many are on your side as you succeed. which i don't really think is the case....i guess it depends how you measure success though....if it's that whole get rich and famous thing, there is just a small group of people supporting you along the way. and if it's celebrating life's little victories, there's still a small support group that surrounds you. i guess, it's just like....there's more real love you can experience in that smaller group than you ever will at any point in time in your life. cherish it. go kiss babies and make peace signs and run for public office. but cherish it, okay?

okay...i have a job interview at lerner's tomorrow which is cool because i love the clothes there...but i am still working at dick's sporting goods. who knows where this will go...and now to work on groups and watch the golden girls in the living room *big smiles* later kids. oh and check out great show...can't wait to see it and juliana! okay good night for real!!! <><