so i typed up at least half of this beautiful blog a week or so ago and my computer froze on me. doesn't that just piss you off? so i boycotted the blog for longer, angry at the possibility of another computer freeze (just as i was about to hit post so as to save the masterpiece i had typed thusfar)...and then i realized that my futile, silent, fuming attempts against the glitches in technology had little strength next to my love of journaling and writing, of recording and reflecting.

so anyhow, the whole blog was to be about how, if one doesn't blog for a week, they are to be continually stuck in this place of blog-ness that says this is who you are and this is where you are in life, and this is how i will address you. weird. i mean, who doesn't grow and change and think from day to day? a sad, sorry man without a home, perhaps...home in the sense of the word that doesn't mean dwelling, but closer to the lines of love that only truth can bring you as a gift.

anyhow, that about sums up the brilliant musings of kristy past....and now onto present.

i feel like ranting. deal.

i have to say i get pretty angry when i feel like i'm in the midst of being shafted by "friends"

okay...how do i reword that without sounding like i am in seventh grade.

how untrue friends are! how people fail me every day...how i fail people every day. even those i love. especially those i love. those stupid phrases....of "i'll keep in touch" or even the Christian segue out of conversation...well, "i'll pray for you" are a load of crap. not to say that all don't keep in touch or that no one is ever going to pray for you...but seriously, people. what crap. so many words, so little action. *insert explitive here* REALLY. so many missed phone calls and opportunities, but we keep writing and reading and creating and listening and relating to all of these *stories* about what is *really important* in life...relationships. and God is a God of relationships....and i love Him, so should i not love building and striving to create that which He strives to create with us? and if i should be loving this, shouldn't we all? or is that just a cop out....i don't know. maybe idealism...but hey, i'm good at that. i'm still in college. it's what i am supposed to be now, still.

i auditioned for the vagina monologues tonight at the players guild. *gasps of surprise from those who think they know me* and it was a lot of fun. yes, i'd love to do the show, but i had fun at the audition, and seeing as i am not doing this for a *living* yet, that's really all i care about. it's all i know i'll ever care about with theater...to me, learning, developing my craft, stretching myself...boy does it hurt...but it's like water in the dessert to a dying girl...and it's a lot of fun.

i've been able to sleep a bit over break...and that is so wonderful. my apologies to people who have to wake up at five am right now...i mean no harm nor do i intend to mock or laugh at you...but i do say that i enjoy every moment of sleeping in under warm blankets and waking up where i can walk down into a kitchen and make myself food. we'll call it breakfast...but it's been after noon a few times. who cares?

okay, i am really going to sleep now. i like my long blogs. they let me think, speak....they listen to me without judging. it's like a dog, only i can't pet it, minus the computer screen...and that just gets so impersonal after a while, don't you think?