Sunday, May 23, 2004

The following is an excert from and e-mail I sent to a dear friend. And I am too lazy to retype everything in to "blog" format so here goes...

Yes, we did go to Geauga Lake- it was Erin, myself, Brian, and my friend Josh Booth (he works at the Fish and does other "Christian" radio work-- but with actual good music). It was a lot of fun, and it wasn't that rainy at all...just kind of damp, so that was interesting because some rides had really wet seats. There was v. little wait time for any ride (I think the only one we had to wait for was the X-flight one, but that was for about five minutes) so that was way cool. And we saw Jars and of course they were amazing. There was a kid there that I met- his name was Russell. And he was sitting on a cement thing that surrounded some flowers and trees-- you know how parks have those. And his head was in his hands and he looked like he was crying. So I walked up to him and asked him if he was okay. He wasn't- so we talked a bit. He told me some of his story, which really broke my heart. He is 18 and his girlfriend is 16 and she's pregnant and they are keeping the child but she keeps pushing him away and treating him like crap and "breaking up" with him, and he doesn't know what to do but he wants to do right by this he's sitting on cold cement on a rainy day at Geauga Lake with tears brimming over his eyes, and I sit there next to him, listening, and praying for him and with him. I go in to the concert, but not before giving him my cell phone number if he needs anything and letting him know where we will be sitting if he needs to come talk. So I go in, and sit down. After a little while, Russell comes in and sits by Josh, who sat by me as I talked with Russell outside of the stadium. It ends up that we were sitting right behind the group that Russell had come in with-- both kids and adults- I am guessing part of a youth group because it was, after all, Christian youth day. And Rusell and I exchange a glance once I realize who Ashley (that's his girlfriend's name) is and hopefully he could read the support and compassion in my eyes for him. Perhaps I'll find out in Heaven. My heart breaks. This is the youth of today...all the more that I want to work with them. But I feel so trapped here...and I don't know how right now. That might not make sense?

I've been trying to find a job. And there's really nothing around here (I will get back to this fact in a moment). So I am probably going to be doing a telemarketing thing for the Republican party (even though I am borderline Democrat). But, it's a job for the summer. And I need to make money so I can move out of here...because, in the two weeks that I have been home I've realized that I don't have anyone around here anymore. All of the (few) people I kept in contact with after high school are gone, my closest friends from Malone live at least 40 minutes away, and I've not been friends with the people from church for a few years. I say my polite hello's to them, and I usually talk with some parents and adults, but I've made no connection with any one from church (my home church, which I am considering not staying at any longer as it is). I get bored at the "coffee houses" the college class holds and the conversation is far from entertaining- in the furthering the enlightenment of what it meanst "to be"- for me...I feel completely inhibited and judged every time I am there...and I don't know- maybe I am placing the judgement on myself because I am not a "conservative" or [politely] legalistic as much of my church. But I don't think that's it.

I have to take a gym class to officially be done with college. So, I am taking this dance class at YSU. It's interesting. We'll save those stories for another day.

I still want to go on a road trip with Brian and a bunch of friends (yes that means YOU) but I don't know when that would work? I'll be thinking about it-- you should too I am going to NYC with my mom sometime in July- I am guessing for some time between the 1 and 18 while Brian is in Hong Kong and other various parts of China. Erin and I are planning a road trip to Florida to play at Disney with a stop in Atlanta on the way down (Erin hates flying and avoids it at all costs). I am planning on going to Alive-- well that would ROCK if we could get a group of people to do that together!!! What do you think? I don't find out about the job that I auditioned for and really really want until late June, but I want to get out of Youngstown by the end of September even if I don't get that job. The job would be in Pittsburgh, but I might move there even if I don't get it, or Cleveland or Akron, or anywhere but Youngstown. I need to be someplace different. This whole being at home thing is making me feel like a wild bird trapped in a steel cage. (tweet tweet).

No comments: