Friday, August 20, 2004

didn't have to work today. wahooo! though i would have liked the eight hours on the upcoming paycheck, eh...

officially, seven days and 15 minutes will be my moving day. (if you feel like helping, just let me know) =)

going on a mini-vacation with my mom this week. a lot of relaxation is going to happen...and maybe even a date with a fantastic guy. some time on a boat and visitation of lighthouse areas and and island...Lord willing and weather permitting.

i am basically going to be alone for the first month in my apartment. i'm a little scared about that...i haven't lived by myself- completely- before ever. i've always had roommates or family or someone else there. i like someone else being there. i'm needy.

(so please please please come visit).

i have packing stuff to do but i keep spending time with people. well, people from my high school days, actually-- which is quite unlike me in regards to the past two years...but these are some great friends.

i went to a poetry slam the other night with my old dear friend (and former duet partner) kurt. ah, my favorite little korean in a booth...

anyhow, it was original poetry and kurt won. he really rocked-- he's been developing in to an amazing writer these past few years, and i felt priveledged to be there with him for the experience and even more so to consider him a friend.

one of those friends-- the one's where you haven't spoken for months, maybe even a year or more...and you see each other and just pick up. i so appreciate that.

there are a lot more people in the pittsburgh area that i know than i realized. well, okay, there ARE people in "the pitty" (thanks jaybuck) that i know already and didn't realize it until i got a few random and surprising phone calls. so, i have a little community already.

i'm ready to jump in to something new. in fact...every day, i want all of this change and consistency all at once--- i want things to be fun and suprising and daring and adventurous, but i want a place of solace as well. i keep finding that place is God. even though my apartment shall be quite cozy and homey and such...that place, is God.

i am still too much of a control freak. i need to realize the difference between good and bad control....i think i am still a bit manipulative at times-- mostly unintentional, but sometimes for my own benefit.

reading Abba's Child by Brennan Manning....and realizing that i need to be more honest about the imposter that i am. i need to stop keeping score.

hoping that we can all find a wide, deep, everlasting chasm of peace and love tonight.

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