Saturday, August 14, 2004

So, I officially have an apartment. It all worked out. Now I just have to give them nearly a thousand dollars in two weeks, with utilities and such.

And this week has again, not been easy. I've been thinking a lot about the events of this summer, and of the "last semester" of my college career...I've been thinking about friends, about life and death...about good-byes, and their importance in my life- even though I will try to deny the importance of a sense of closure too often...this, brought on again, by another friend's death. I had not been in contact with him for a solid year and a half, but I can still remember our last conversation...he was my CA in my first semester of college, and I've kept this note that he wrote to me my freshman year as an encouragement.

I don't know if anyone else had to sit through "this" (following) in junior high or high school, but I experienced some "motivational" speakers who brought up the reality of our mortality to us immortal feeling telling us that likely, in five, ten years- at least 3 out of a room of thirty would most likely be dead. The conversation then proceeded to cancer, AIDS, drugs, but not surgery, not old people who shouldn't have their license any more, not pneumonia and sudden, too sudden, pains.

This is going to come off as too dramatic, but oh's what I feel in this very moment, and that's the only place I can be. I just don't have anything else to say...because I don't feel like goodbye is appropriate...and in all honesty, I'm afraid of what that word means at times.

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